Through the Looking Glass

Today, I visited a nearby assisted living community. One of the first things I was asked to do was to create a list of the following:

1) a spouse or significant other
2) sons and daughters, nieces and nephews
3) best friend
4) favorite physical feature about myself
5) preferred time to wake up on a day off

Now you try it!

Next, using the fast-forward button on your imagination, picture what your life will be like in your mid-80s – the average resident's age at this particular community. Statistics show that these may be your realities:

1) You may outlive your spouse or significant other
2) The children may become middle-aged parents and grandparents with their own set of obligations and/or health issues
3) Your best friend may be ill, deceased, or far away
4) Every part of your body will change in appearance
5) Someone else may decide what time you must sleep and wake

How does this news make you feel?

Equipped with a humbling sense of humanity and empathy provided by this exercise, how do we then help current senior adults cope with these incredibly real and painful losses: the loss of loved ones, of body image, of basic decision-making? How can the grip of loneliness be loosened? How can depression be resolved or avoided? How do we engage them in activities that will bring them joy and purpose, giving them a sense of control and autonomy?

The old saying about walking a mile in another man's moccasins seems appropriate after today's quiz; let's be good to each other. . . perhaps a little gentler, a little more patient, a little more understanding.

Be well.

The House Just Up the Road

Tonight, a darkened house settling down to rest fills my mind's wanderings. I wonder from far away, if it is raining there, if the limbs on the old oak tree are bending from the summer winds. I try hard to remember if the house has ever been alone before, and come up empty-handed. Will the sun still streak across the windows in the morning? Will the sink faucet keep plopping drops into the basin? How long will it be before the musty, sad scent of aloneness sets in through the wall-to-wall carpets?

Is it permissable to grieve for a loss that is not your own? Does it matter? I have never lived in this house in the traditional sense, but feel connected there, despite having been gone for so long. I have been a part of its once vibrant life. This house, and its inhabitants, welcomed me with smiling outstretched arms, and reluctantly waved goodbye every time I departed after our visits together. I still carry these precious memories in my heart, and suppose that is the best place for them, keeping them close like a stack of old love letters, pulling them out occasionally: to smile, to cry a little, to remember.

Tonight, I am recalling the full life lived within those walls: the people who made my childhood so dear, the older generation who always had time to spend with me, sharing what they had, teaching what they knew, praying for answers they didn't have, relying on faith to see them through.

I hope they know how much I miss them still. Their lives mattered, and so did the house.

Soaring Eagle

88-year old Walter Hart of Fort Myers, FL has recently received Boy Scout's highest honor: the distinctive Eagle Scout status, making him possibly the oldest person to ever receive the honor.

Due to Navy service during WWII, Mr. Hart was unable to obtain the official Eagle Scout rank at the time he completed all the requirements. Nearly 50 years later, he unearthed some of his personal scouting memorabilia, including documentation proving he had met all the standards of becoming an Eagle Scout, something only five percent of all Boy Scouts ever achieve. Mr. Hart holds an impressive 23 merit badges, and still wears his original scout uniform.

Congratulations, Mr. Hart, and to all the other Eagle Scouts out there (including my two brothers).

Well done, gentlemen!

How to Be Happy

"To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common – this is my symphony."
– William Henry Channing

Creature Comforts

Today's New England Journal of Medicine details the life of a helpful cat named Oscar in a Providence, RI nursing home. Oscar's medical specialty: his accurate radar for identifying those patients approaching death and providing companionship to them in their last hours.

The kitten was adopted by the facility two years ago, and lives in the dementia unit. Staff members noticed that Oscar would make his daily rounds to all the patients, just like the doctors and nurses. Sniffing and observing patients, he would then sit beside people who died only a few hours later. Thus far, Oscar has been accurate in 25 cases. Once Oscar curls up next to a patient, family members are alerted, giving them a chance to say goodbye to the dying.

What a comfort that these individuals did not die alone! And what a quiet, yet poignant reminder that most of the important things in this life cannot be explained, but can only be felt and appreciated.

Load Up the U-Haul

AARP has spoken... drumroll, please! The following cities have been chosen as the best places for seniors to live:

Atlanta, GA
Chandler, AZ
Milwaukee, WI
Portland, OR

More details can be found in the upcoming Sept/Oct '07 issue of AARP The Magazine.

At first glance, one wonders what these four cities could possibly have in common; it's not the weather, certainly! Nor could it be the cost-of-living or lifestyle attitudes. No, the judges agreed that these four all had successfully managed to consider and accommodate seniors in their urban renewal plans: from transit and cultural options to mixed-use developments that keeps retail and medical facilities within close distance of neighborhoods. (*Aren't these good ideas for all ages?)

Boston's Beacon Hill Village was highlighted for its wide menu of services available to seniors who pay an annual fee for personalized concierge-like help, booking everything from plumbing and rides to cultural events.

In Atlanta, mixed-income housing and mixed-use development were recognized, citing popular Atlantic Station, a booming residential/shopping/business area, located on the site of an abandoned polluted steel mill (*as someone who formerly worked across the street from the mill, I can verify that it was indeed an eyesore, and am so proud of how Atlanta and the developers have breathed new life into that existing space!).

One of the senior-friendly programs offered in the the sunny and less-expensive Phoenix community of Chandler was its popular cab coupons available to seniors who might not drive.

Both Milwaukee and Portland were chosen because of their revitalization efforts in local historic districts, adding ammenities such as walks, bike trails and mixed-income housing.

Congrats to the winners; let's hope they have even more contestants in the coming years!

Kick-Start, Grateful Heart

When you recall the people who have made a positive difference in your life, people who have loved and cared for you, who springs to mind? I am smiling as I answer this, because my world has been beautifully surrounded by the love and interest of aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandpa, and my two remarkable parents. These are the individuals who took an interest in me from the very beginning, showing me the importance of faith, of hard work, of being good to others.

The purpose of this blog is two-fold:

1) to chronicle the blessings of everyday life (and let's be honest, we have an embarrassing number of them)

2) to share news of interest to senior adults and the people who care about them. This growing part of our society needs us to return the care and love they have so freely shared with us and others. Now is the time!

Be well.